grumpy gus

i've just got a few things to say:

1. it's not the same, yet it's always the same. uneventful. boring. monotonous. i can remember when i used to go to bed, wishing there were more hours in a day. now, i sit in bed wishing that midnight would come quicker, just so i can go to bed. i used to have things to do, people to see. now, those people are always busy, and those things are things of the past. my day consists of a combination of school, work, and eating, and that's about all it's limited too, even on the weekends. but it's for these reasons that i think i've been blessed with two things: a guitar and a girlfriend. i must say that my guitar playing has improved since i started playing. in high school it really stalled, i think due to my busy schedule. now, i have all the time in the world to play, and i take advantage of that time. hopefully, it's going to pay off one day. secondly, laura knows how to get me thinking, whether it's by just texting me randomly about nothing or really getting my brain working. if there is one thing that has never been boring in my life, it has been my relationship with laura.

2. i've got two words for you if you're under the age of 21 and know what you want to do with your life: fuck you. over the past weeks i've realized that my dreams of becoming a marine biologist were just imaginations i had made up. i wasn't meant for science, for math, for any of that stuff. and i made myself believe that i was. instead of picking a major i knew i'd be good at, i picked one that looked cool and exciting. you know the saying "do what you love and love what you do?" well i had modified that saying to "do what you think you'll love and love what you think you'll be doing." but where to go from here, well that's complicated. i so quickly came up with what i thought i'd be doing for the rest of my life that i didn't even come up with a backup plan, and now i'm racking my brain to figure it out. there are so many options, and yet i have to pick just one. the hardest part is going to be picking one, and 1. meeting a marine biologist down the way and wanting to kick his face in and 2. always turning to the thought of "what if i'd done this" when things get bad

3. i wish my head wasn't as clogged with as much bullshit as it is. i know passwords to videogames by memory but i can't remember what emotions i was feeling five minutes ago.

4. i also wish people knew the conotations of their words, friends and family alike.