the importance of being important

when you're important to someone, you not only are wanted, but you are sometimes needed. you feel like every moment you're with that person, they appreciate you, they don't take you for granted, they savor that moment. and they're willing, no matter what the circumstances are, to stay in touch, to advance the relationship, and to grow together. it's this importance that i find so many people lacking. today, most people seek after sheer comfort. the number of acquaintances you have is what you value, quantity over quality. but what irks me the most, is someone who embellishes the true importance i am to them, just to make me another number, another acquaintance.
it's as if i never attended high school. i simply watched from outside a glass box the lives of all the people i met through those years. and when i come across them nowadays, it's as if that's all they remember about me, just that i was there, not that i had any part of it. the last time i talked to someone from my first highschool, in person, for more than just a handshake and a nod, i can't remember. never a phone call, an email, a hint at wanting to catch back up. 12 years of my life, just a by-stander. a witness.
my last two years at high school i felt like i had found that acceptance i was looking for. now i look back, and realize these people had fooled me even better than the first. people told me i was there best friend. i told people they were mine. we graduated, and it ends there. no communication. what saddens me most is that i tried to keep it going. i pushed for the contact through college. i scheduled get-togethers, birthdays, football game visits. all for no good. i actually had someone show up for a ballgame one year, only to have me take them to a frat party, where i was left standing alone.
i know no one reads this. in fact i'm pretty sure i only write this so i can read it later, and reflect on where i was emotionally and where i am now. but i wish somehow it was instinctive that people knew how to show importance. i wish people recognized the pain they deal to others by thinking for themselves only. if only everyone thought the way i did: quality > quantity.

i am not a number. i will not add to your repertoire. i want to be cherished. i want to be missed.
no obligatory love. no pity. just importance.